When I let go...(originally written 6/2/2021)

 


When I let go...

Can I really let go? I feel like a part of me is gripping so tightly. But why? What sort of attachment could I have? I think if I could really let go I would feel so free, free for new things to emerge

New experiences

New flavors

New smells

I'm tired of the old stories, they rattle around in my head bumping into new things, maybe taking up too much space.

If I could let go

I would feel spacious

Am I afraid of that spaciousness?

What could I do with nothing but empty space?

How could I fill it?

Would I fill it?

Sometimes I wonder if I am afraid to release, let go

Release control

Surrender - If I could surrender all

Makes me think of a hymn from my childhood

I surrender all, I surrender all, all to Jesus I surrender, I surrender all...

I'm not in a place where I am comfortable with Jesus - but what if I could

What if I could let go of it all?

Surrender makes me think of a very definite release

One where you do not hold back, you do not hold on, no tension, no baggage, no lingering thoughts of what you would like to save, a complete and total release

Maybe like a computer, whose hard drive is being wiped, memory wiped to make room for new things, new stories, new material

What would it be like to look at the world through new eyes

My life, the world, circumstances, friends, family?

What would I collect?

Letting go - I feel these words so deeply,

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Memory of a Photograph (written March 19 2019)

Image
In this one you are about 20 years old.  You are holding a large floppy hat, your hair is blown from the wind, you have a smile that lights up your face, it is summer, but not in the middle of summer, as the grass hasn’t started browning from days of relentless heat.  You are wearing shorts and a long sleeved shirt, so I am pretty sure you have just come from the field.  There is a dog standing beside you and the large tree that holds the rope swing is so small.  You can just make out the entrace to the root cellar/tornado shelter behind you and then in the background you can make out the larger barn and the smaller sheds - everything is painted in the brighter blue.  I often wonder who took the photograph.  I am guessing it was grandpa - he was always the photographer.  I also am curious if you are pregnant with mom in the picture or not - but your face is not lined with the ups and downs of life with its hardship, grief, adventure, pain, happiness, love, and strength. It is one of my
Read more

Fourth of July (written 7/4/2020)

Image
My heart is heavy today - this is the first 4th in a while that I have not gone to Iowa to celebrate the 4th with my family in Iowa. From a young age - we would drive the 12-14 hours from Newark, Ohio to Exira, Iowa. Spending time on my grandparents' farms seeing cousins, aunts, uncles and extended family. We congregated there for many reasons, but Exira will celebrate its 155th year this year of the 4th of July Celebration.   This is a town of farmers - people who worked the land to make a living. Many of these farmers came from farmers - not many of them had educations beyond 8th grade. They worked and shared and created a community where I could walk to the local grocery and ask them to put the items I purchased on my grandma's bill. My memories are of waking with the 6am cannon shot - getting ready in my red, white and blue for the parade - spending time at one grandparent's farm a ways from town, or at the others, right at the edge of town. Walking through a cornfield
Read more

10 Things (written 4/4/2019)

Image
#30/30April4 10 Things The way you snore Your laugh Designing projects  Making the worlds best sandwiches  Hands so warm Lazy mornings  Sunday drives Eyes that see me That itch you scratch A shoe that stubs my toe These my love Are 10 things I adore About you
Read more