Musings at 50

  Where do you stand on resolutions? I have been making them for quite a long time - it used to be a journal entry - or sometimes it was a list on a random piece of paper or on a page of my calendar or planner. Then, Facebook has memorialized my resolutions since 2009. I used to keep the list to about 5 or 10 - people had their opinions about it - how many do you actually accomplish? What do you tell yourself if you do not do them? Call them goals, accomplishments, resolutions or intentions - I love this ritual. I love I have reoccurring themes. I read Gretchen Rubin's book The Happiness Project  back in 2012 and inspired by the Happiness Project I decided to break it down by having one theme or focus a month. That only lasted until 2013 and I am not sure how successful I was. The thing is - I actually enjoy setting my sights on something - a goal, an intention, a resolution - a contract between me and me. The flip side can be when I disappoint myself...the negative self talk and f

#inthemargins I checked a book The other day Opened those old familiar pages Searched for a quote And happened upon a message Written in the margins It said, You matter My eyes welled with tears As I saw the heart shape Drawn next to it The writing was mine When I was young  Maybe thirteen or so But as I read it Now nearly fifty I wondered if my younger self Ever felt like she mattered Did she right it for her Or was it a message to someone Like me - years later Reading the message  in the margin

#personificationof  I fly my route  Along the Columbia  Near Skamokawa With the high sand dunes Where people crowd Playing with balls Lighting fires And wading along The shores My eyes narrow as I see the osprey Coming into my stretch He seems unaware Of my presence  He dips and hovers Then I come down From my lofty height We fight Though it looks Like a dance First I lead Then he leads We dip and soar Dancing along the wind Til he leaves In a huff And I take my place Being much larger As I the eagle Take my place Once more along The shore 

I came home from work tonight and it hit me - I have always had this sense that I was doing it all wrong. Doing what wrong? Well, you name it -  life,  sister,  daughter,  student,  wife,  worker,  christianity,  woman,  partner,  friend,  a task,  a chore,  a yoga pose,  how/when to eat,  how/when to sleep,  my daily schedule,  my choice of career,  my choice of music,  reading materials,  causes I feel passionately about,  causes I should feel more passionately about,  granddaughter,  cousin,  relative,  traveler,  writer,  poet,  singer,  violinist,  orchestra member,  gardening,  cooking,  baking,  household chores, group dynamics, I could literally sit here and list everything that I feel I do not quite do right (past and present), correctly, the way it was intended. I immediately started thinking about why, why do I feel this way. I don't think this is something someone intentionally set out to tell me. I have run over the past - and of course my mind goes to all of the usual