Doing it ALL Wrong (December 4, 2020)

I came home from work tonight and it hit me - I have always had this sense that I was doing it all wrong. Doing what wrong? Well, you name it - 

life, 

sister, 

daughter, 

student, 

wife, 

worker, 

christianity, 

woman, 

partner, 

friend, 

a task, 

a chore, 

a yoga pose, 

how/when to eat, 

how/when to sleep, 

my daily schedule, 

my choice of career, 

my choice of music, 

reading materials, 

causes I feel passionately about, 

causes I should feel more passionately about, 

granddaughter, 

cousin, 

relative, 

traveler, 

writer, 

poet, 

singer, 

violinist, 

orchestra member, 

gardening, 

cooking, 

baking, 

household chores,

group dynamics,

I could literally sit here and list everything that I feel I do not quite do right (past and present), correctly, the way it was intended. I immediately started thinking about why, why do I feel this way. I don't think this is something someone intentionally set out to tell me. I have run over the past - and of course my mind goes to all of the usual suspects, parents, friends, colleagues, etc. But, I think this is something more than that. What is so funny (or not so funny) is that I hardly think I consider others' opinions of myself. I figure I cannot please everyone so why not even try - so why do I have this constant since that I am doing everything WRONG? What if I could somehow flip the script and assume I am doing things correctly - all of the time - unless someone specifically points out the error? And, even with someone's opinion, it is just that - an opinion. Is it something in my own mind that has set an idea of what it should look like - the doing it right? and I am really being critiqued by no one other than me? Or is it something greater than me? I am definitely curious about this and plan to give it some more thought. In the meantime - I will throw this out there - what if you, like me, are just assuming you are doing it all wrong - and you are really doing everything - JUST RIGHT!