Fears - September 10 2020


Fears - unspoken they are allowed to run amuck in my head. I am inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic - she talks about fear and creativity and writes a letter inviting fear to come along on a road trip with her and creativity but she sets some boundaries. Inspired by this excerpt from her book - I made some lists of fears. This was written in September of 2020 and some of these fears may still stand true - and some of them may not. In September, when I originally wrote this I came across this fort built in the sand and thought a lot about how we can build these walls around ourselves but something can easily come along and wipe the walls away - but we may think the walls are solid - and that may keep us stuck.


Fears @ Spokane Parks Book

  1. I will pay too much to create it
  2. Not enough pictures that are free/open source
  3. Re-use too many that have been seen before
  4. City of Spokane will not return my emails 
  5. Partnerships seem impossible and not probable
  6. Not able to do the research within the timeframe (COVID)
  7. Will anyone buy it?
  8. Will I be selling out?
  9. If I do it the way I want - will the publisher like it?
  10. Is this how I want to spend my precious time?


Fears @ Self Love

  1. Am I worthy?
  2. Thinking too highly of myself
  3. Self Improvement - Self Love - can they co-exist?
  4. What does it mean?
  5. White Privilege?


Fears @ Job

  1. Is it too late for me to turn things around?
  2. What do I really want?
  3. Can I lower my standards?
  4. Are they my standards?
  5. Stuck - am I really stuck?
  6. Management - what will they think - what is expected?
  7. Change is fun - but am I learning something new?
  8. Passion - has it died? Or is it still there?


Fears @ Health and Wellness

  1. Can I truly change patterns?
  2. What do I really want?
  3. Can I embrace who I am now?
  4. Understand I will change - but slowly - is impatience getting in the way?
  5. Is this too ingrained in me?
  6. Routine = Boring? Or Mundane?
  7. Food - what really is my relationship with food?
  8. Worthiness?


Fears @ White Privilege

  1. Can I embrace my whiteness?
  2. How can I serve without being a savior?
  3. If I am resistant to $$ does this make me less of an advocate?
  4. Is it that which keeps me stuck?
  5. What am I willing to give up?
  6. If I show up - what will I lose?
  7. How to let go of guilt and shame?
  8. Will I be crippled by guilt and shame?
  9. Find out where I stand - am I really ready to learn and evolve?
  10. Cautious about black/white - all/nothing thinking 
  11. Explore my past - am I willing to take a deep dive into my racist tendencies? Cultural, learned, unknown, known
  12. Does this make me fragile?

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