Pain

For as long as I can remember, I do not trust when I am in pain. From my earliest memory of falling and scraping my knees on the asphalt pavement to my recent fall in Hoh Rainforest, I do not trust when I feel pain.

I am super curious about this - where did this come from?

I remember being told you are okay after a fall - did I feel okay? Was that words of reassurance or did I take it to mean that though I feel pain, you're okay so quit crying and continue on.

I have these moments I remember - like the one where I was crying while cutting wooden names on a scroll saw at Kings Island, my boss asking me what is wrong. I tell him my arm hurts and he takes one look and sends me to the ER.

Someone at the ER tells me "It's just a kidney stone, nothing to worry about. It will hurt, that is normal." I took that to mean, why would you bother us with something so trivial.

We learn that pain is an indicator of something - but we also hear no pain no gain when it comes to working out - we are asked to trust our bodies in yoga, but an instructor will come and push your body into a pose - deeper.

When did we lose our trust in our own body's pain - and when did I? I think about the pain indicator picture at the ER or at the doctor's office - on a scale of 1 to 10 how much pain are you in right now. What if I answered 50? Even if you answer an 8 or 10 - no one sits with you and acknowledges that must be awful - or that must feel bad - just, most often we want to know how do we get rid of it?

So then, confronted by teachings of sit with the pain, be curious about the pain - focus on a part of your body that isn't in pain. Look at the bright side - what is going right - not what is going wrong. One is left with the idea that even though the pain exists, it needs no attention. Maybe it needs medication or fixing, or even worse, do not trust it and what it represents - or DOES PAIN REALLY EXIST? Is this something our body does to bring attention to something else that could be going wrong?

If it hurts don't do it

Work through the pain

Keep moving or you'll be stuck

Don't move so it can heal

Get up and move around

Limit movement so your body can heal

Pain is an indicator

Ignore the pain

The mixed messages we received around pain and pain management are so overwhelming and confusing. For me, these make my experience of pain even more hard to handle - can you just tell me - I am sorry you feel pain, is there anything I can do? Most often, a hug is the best medicine.