May Musings - 2021 (written on 4/14/2021)

In this moment I feel...

In this moment I want...

In this moment I feel relief - so much relief. I've made the decision to self demote at work. I feel this relief in all parts of my body. It's as if the tension I've felt over the last two years is melting away. I get to go back to doing what I truly love - Research. I get to go back to taking orders rather than giving them - which is also a relief. I get to work with the two most difficult people but as their co-worker I can tell them to FUCK OFF!! Which will be so nice. I'm on a timeline. First, a self demotion in June and then save some $$ for my car trip around the United States. I'm workin on my car, outfitting it so I can travel and sleep in it. I'm going to take it on a couple of maiden voyages to see what needs changed. The comfort and flexibility to do what is needed. It's weird but all of a sudden I also feel so calm. It feels strange to feel so settled and relaxed. Tension is leaving and I am feeling a full bodied experience of utter RELIEF!


Today I am grateful that I wrote this in April, and feel every bit of it today. I worked today doing the thing I love most - Research! I did it all day, nothing else. It felt good to be able to look for things for people and have someone say thank you for helping them find what they needed. 


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