Unraveling

 


I feel it...unraveling. You think you know who you are. You PRIDE yourself on who you think you are, and then, when all of the activity and flurry subsides, you find yourself unraveling. Who am I? What do I stand for? When I peel away the busy-ness, the to do lists, the work, how I show up for others, how much I think about others, projects, deadlines, activity, am I missing something? Who am I?

I am sitting down

I am slowing down

I am uncomfortable

I have said this so many times before. My idea of a living hell would be to be trapped with only my thoughts - no ways to escape. All of the ways I escape. Keep busy, help others, eat, drink, numb out using your thing of choice - wine, bread, to do lists, hiking, walking, movement, Cheetos, alcohol, fixing someone, fixing something, anything to ignore the biggest elephant in the room.

ME!

I am trying to be curious.

I don't know myself.

Just to write those words, I feel this deep pain in my gut, my eyes cloud with tears. I have spend my whole life til know sure I knew who I was and what I was doing. 

Maybe I should be more honest - I don't trust myself.

Trust.

Something so hard to build, but it only takes a small shove for it to be torn down.

I am excited to get to know me.

I am scared to get to know me.

This is what is brewing...

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